apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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