Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize