I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
two words: eviction party
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
