We named our party play list daddy issues
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
