We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
