oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
