I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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