my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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