Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
