Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize