That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
