CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so let's talk penis.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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