Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
