the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
splinters make it hard to masturbate
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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