Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize