this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Randomize
