I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
