I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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