I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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