Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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