I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
