Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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