remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
