I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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