how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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