I wish I could punch you in the face.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
