I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
