I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
