I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
