If that was your dad, he is hot
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Couch. On fire.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
