I CAN MOONWALK!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize
