I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
