i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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