i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
