please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
