He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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