I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
