Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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