the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
