now i know why i became what i already was.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
