my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
