I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
