guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
