i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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