I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
