Acid is not a monday night drug
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
