We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I want a musical about memes.
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