Ketchup is God's man juice
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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