okay pat passed out under dana's car
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
