He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
