When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
