You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
