He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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