Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
