I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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