So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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