So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
