last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
