Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
