Im at strip club and am horny
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
