it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
