Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He's on the porch naked. Help.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
