I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize