please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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