I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize