Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just pee around me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
